Back

"In Search for Stillness"

The longest journey begins with a single step.
- Lao Tzu

Approaching 10,000 feet with 60 pounds on my spasming back, gasping for breath with each step, feeling like it might be my last on these bruised and blistered feet, I wondered, “Why am I doing this”? I kept repeating my mantra in cadence to my brutally slow cross country progress: “Al-lah, Al-lah, Bud-dha, Bud-dha” and every so often I would stop and lean against a tree and say, “Lord Jesus, have mercy on me”. I figured if one of them was busy with a war or something, one of the others might hear my pathetic cry for the strength to get me up this mountain.

It had all started at 8,600 feet in Tuolumne Meadows in Yosemite National Park. Actually, it had started about 3 months before when I heard that Yashi and Belden Johnson were leading their annual trek and vision quest and invited me to join them. My terminal busyness had caught up with me again. I was exhausted! I knew that I wanted to find stillness, but I felt trapped in the world I myself had created. Everything I had to do seemed so important, a sure sign that my ego had once again taken over.

The purpose is to be in the present moment and enjoy each step you make.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

There came a moment as we were climbing our way to Sunrise Lakes that first day when, in spite of being winded, exhausted and aching, or perhaps because of it, I felt a calm presence come over me. With my whole body I began to see the immense beauty in the majestic mountain peaks, the deep azure blue Sierra sky and the ancient gray granite boulders along the trail. It wasn’t just sight, it was a feeling of being a part of something so magnificent, so awesomely beautiful that it was beyond cognitive comprehension. It took what little breath was left in me away… By the time we reached Sunrise Lake my exhaustion had turned to elation.

Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Woods has coined the term, Nature Deficit Disorder to describe the physical, intellectual and emotional impact of a culture growing up without intimate contact with nature. Researchers have documented the direct relationship between lack of time and experience in nature and some of the most disturbing symptoms, difficulties and pathologies of our society. The absence of free play in nature also creates apathy towards the environment and the ecological harm we are doing, thereby further reducing the nature available for us to nourish and renew ourselves. It is becoming clear that our planet is in peril and we need to have a new connection with the natural world if life on Earth is to survive…

Who or what do you feel most connected with and what or who would you like to feel more connected with?
- Yashi Johnson

When Yashi asked this question on our first night of camping I realized that I felt more connected to nature and spirit than I did to people. With people I always feel awkward, self-conscious and out of place. I know that’s hard for some who see me in class or even social situations to grasp. But, what usually drives me in those times is my commitment and not my emotions, thoughts or personal desires. I believe that is part of the power of living a committed life. But, that night under the vast array of Sierra stars, in our little corner of the Milky Way, undiluted by the lights of society, I saw how important authentic connection with others is for the future of all life. I had fallen into the trap of holding humans separate from nature, as though we were not part of the environment and natural world. It was there that I vowed to deepen my understanding of those around me who are doing incomprehensible things, to try to find something to love in every fellow human I encounter and to focus my attention on building bridges between my fellow humans and our relationship to all life.

Our task is to free ourselves from this prison (of imagined separateness) by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
- Albert Einstein

The next day we continued our journey to our vision quest destination, Sacred Lake, where we would fast and be in silence for the next 2 days. Upon arising the next day I decided that I wanted to be as close to nature as possible, so I spent the day naked dancing, praying, writing and meditating. What a glorious feeling to have my skin, my senses, my vulnerability and every part of my body in direct contact with my environment. At one point I was feeling a bit out of breath and laid down on the soft mossy green bank of the lake. There, in the stillness of the setting sun, I was suddenly aware of the heartbeat of the mother, I was being held and breathed by the earth from which I came and to which I will return. I was overwhelmed with tears of gratitude and joy. What a glorious existence is this precious thing called life... Now I know why I am doing this!

I invite you to take some time in nature today. You don’t have to climb to 10,000 feet. But, find and dwell in that magnificent stillness that only our mother can give. Allow yourself to be held by her and know you and I are loved and will be provided for in her merciful bounty.

Great Blessings on your journey,
Michael

May we turn inward and stumble upon our true roots in the intertwining biology of this exquisite planet. May nourishment and power pulse through these roots, and fierce determination to continue the billion-year dance.
- John Seed

Back